Today I failed my very first AFF lesson. In this lesson, our primary objective was to initiate a stable 90-degree turn. This is to be done completely unassisted, though I can't really say that I'm flying solo just yet, I still needed to jump with one (1) instructor.
So what went wrong? Finding stability was a strong suit of mine on the last 3 jumps, something weird was going on with this one. When I went to initiate a right hand turn, I would start spinning left and in fact began accelerating almost uncontrollably. I won't bore you with the details, but this was in fact the most fear I've ever experienced in a free fall. Losing control is like losing your mind.
Control is the only reason why I would even think about taking the responsibility of skydiving into my own hands. In many ways, control is the only rationalization behind living. If the choices we make do nothing to affect our destiny, then control of our lives are out of hands and ultimately freedom of choice is only an illusion. Many experienced skydivers (or participants of any thrill sport) can tell you that they no longer do it for the thrill. Personally, I've been on 50+ different roller coasters all over the US and to be honest I can't say that I feel any fear during any portion of any part of the ride nowadays. (This is what actually prompted me to pick up skydiving.) The gratification from skydiving comes from not scaring your pants off every time you do it, but from being to mitigate that risk and conquer death through your own skills to which you are constantly developing. The most control you have, the more fun it gets. In other words, you are the sole arbiter of your own life, of your own destiny. There aren't too many other activities (falling towards the Earth) where this fact is so clearly evident and consciously perceived. The power and level of control inherent in skydiving is enough to excite the people that call themselves "skydivers".
Back to my freefall: I couldn't control which why I was spinning and everything I did to stop it only made the problem deepen. I couldn't' take it anymore, I spotted 6,000 feet on my altimeter and I waved and pulled my pilot chute. I was supposed to pull at 5,000 feet, but I had just about enough.
To salvage the jump, I practiced stalling my parachute during my descent. There's really quite nothing like it. You are purposely allowing the parachute to collapse in on itself, propelling you towards the Earth back to the terminal velocity of close to 120 mph. Fortunately the practice stalls aren't meant to last very long, and I released the brakes immediately to allow the parachute to resume flight.
As I approached the landing zone, there was a noticeable increase in my speed. I couldn't quite figure out why this landing felt so different. I knew that it was important not to flare (brake) too early, but I took this concept much too far. As the ground came rushing up to fill up everything in my field of vision including my peripheral vision, I heard my coach yell frantically, seconds before my landing, over our one-way radio, "What the hell are you doing?! FLARE NOW!!"
Too late. I hit the ground at full speed and was sent tumbling head over heels. I'm guessing most people don't walk away from crashes like this, because people were astounded that I was getting up to pack up my parachute. Even more astounding was that I didn't have a single scratch on me. I have the parachute landing fall (PLF) to thank for my safety, regardless of the stupidity of the pilot using it.
I retook the lesson and passed, although barely, my problem is that I was still a bit tense and the left spinning 360 degree turn was happening again. I was losing control. Again. The breakthrough occurred when I was close to giving up, I relaxed every muscle in my body and finally let go. I'm done with this. I could feel the stability instantaneously, without hesitating I began initiating the turn and managed to do two 90 degree turns before my pull altitude. My instructor saw the whole thing.
In order to take control, I had to let go. I know it's cliche, but I hope to have many more lessons as important as this one.
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As a side, I wish I could write an entire post on this, but the night prior I completed my very first backflip. (Technically called a backtuck) It was fucking AMAZING. I don't want to take any credit away from myself, but my first backflip was completed at an indoor trampoline park literally filled with kids at least half my age. I brought a friend who had the same goal I did and it only took me about 15 head, neck, and shoulder landings to find my groove and stomp each and every landing thereafter. (This is probably why I couldn't tell what got hurt during my parachute crash, I was already sore and cramped from head to toe from the failed backflip attempts.) I can't wait to expand on this skill, more to come...
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